One Day at Akatsuki 2
by himayamata
Summary: Another boring day, the Akatsuki doesn't want to do today. So Konan suggested to start a roast, making jokes about their partners. Everybody cooperated. One-shot SEQUEL to One Day at Akatsuki. WARNING: Rated T to M because of adult jokes and language.


One boring day at the Akatsuki hideout, Konan had an idea to entertain the other members. "Let's roast one another."

Deidara asked. "How? I mean, what are we suppose to say?"

Kakazu added, "I don't know much about roasting other than roasting beef."

Konan explained. "Anything you want to say about them. Taunt them as much as you can. Make jokes about them." She asked everyone. "Who wants to go first?"

Zetsu raised his hand and began the roasting. He turned to Tobi. "Hey, Tobi!"

Tobi replied. "Yeah?"

"You are a big asshole."

"Why?"

Zetsu pointed at his mask. "You are wearing it!" He laughed so hard that Black Zetsu cannot resist.

Not everyone in the Akatsuki laughed. Just Kisame, Deidra and Sasori chuckled at the joke.

Then Tobi retorted, "Well, you can just fuck yourself... literally!"

Now everyone laughed because it made sense. Zetsu was kinda embarrassed. "Stop laughing! I'll eat you!"

Hidan responded, "Good luck with that." He than talked to Kakazu. "Hey, Kakuzu..."

"What?!" The old man yelled, knowing Hidan is going to mock him.

"You are a gold digger, you know that."

"Why?"

"Because you love money but you stole hearts!" The immortal laughed.

"Shut up! I'll pierce a new hole in ya!"

Hidan doesn't care. "And what? Kill me? Ha!"

Then Kakuzu added. "And I'll fuck it!"

The immortal was grossed out, he pulled out his scythe and threatened the zombie. "Don't ever touch me! Don't!"

Few members chuckled.

Then Pain tried roasting. "Hey, Konan! You are a paper angel, right?"

"Yeah?" She answered.

"Then that means you can crumble when you're wet!" He turned to everyone, waiting for a laugh. Not a single chuckle. "Well, I tried."

Suddenly, Konan retorted. "You are a crybaby, Pain."

Pain started to wonder what she's going to say. "Why?"

"Because you have onion eyes!" She laughed. Everyone looked at his purple Rinnegan and understood the joke. They laughed as well. The leader of Akatsuki got roasted.

Then Kisame told Itachi. "Hey, Itachi! I know why you killed your clan."

Itachi knows that he told Kisame about it. "Okay. Why?"

"Because you are jealous that you have the smallest dick in the Uchiha clan!" The blue-skinned man laughed.

But then Konan retorted, "It's not small actually."

Everyone looked at her with a shocked and confused expression. "How did you know?" Pain was surprised. Itachi turned away, trying to avoid eye contact from anyone.

Konan responded, trying to make some story. "I... uh, Zetsu told me... you know... he's everywhere."

Zetsu replied, "I didn't say anythin-"

"Shut up!" She yelled.

To break the awkward situation, Itachi responded to Kisame's roast. "Hey, Kisame! I know why you were blue."

"Why?" Kisame asked.

"Because when your mom was giving birth to you, she has blue waffle!"

Kisame doesn't understand the joke. "What does that mean?"

Itachi turned to Zetsu. "Show him."

The plant-like man showed everyone what a blue waffle looked like.

* * *

Later, Deidara and Tobi were throwing up after seeing it. "Oh, dear god..." Deidara commented. "I thought blue waffle is- oh, god..."

Tobi asked Itachi. "Does Konan have one?" Assuming because she has blue hair.

Unnecessarily, Itachi replied. "Last time I checked, she doesn't have one." Konan gestured to stop talking.

Pain began to suspect something is going on between the two. "Hmmm..."

After cleaning out his mouth from the vomit he threw up, Deidara took his turn. "Hey, Sasori! I know why you replaced your body into a puppet."

"Why?" The redhead asked.

"Because you don't want people to see your morning wood!" The blond artist laughed at his partner's wooden body.

Then puppeteer retorted, "You know, Deidara, I'm jealous of you."

"Why?"

Then the redhead grinned, "Because you can get yourself free blowjobs!" The puppet master laughed at Deidara's hands. Everyone chuckled, understood the joke. It makes sense after all. Sasori added, "I don't know if it's called a blowjob or a handjob now." Now everyone laughed out loud.

Deidara yelled out loud as well. "FUCK YOU ALL!" He dropped a lot of the clay bombs around the place, blowing everyone away. Almost leveling their underground hideout.

* * *

After his unnecessary behavior, Pain gave Deidara his punishment. "After your actions that almost level our hideout and reveal our secret location, I give you the perfect punishment. In seven days, you have to wear the SUIT." Everyone gasped in shock. Sasori and Kakazu snickered.

"No. No! NO!" Deidara begged. "Please. Any punishment will do but not the SUIT! Please! Not the SUIT!"

"I'm sorry. Everybody voted. You have to wear it."

"NOOOOO!" Deidara spent his seven days in that SUIT.


End file.
